


two thousand magic the gathering cards

by rinthegreat



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Humor, M/M, There's no plot, that's it it's just humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-06-08 16:26:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15247236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rinthegreat/pseuds/rinthegreat
Summary: im trying to sell like 2000 magic the gathering cards in a bundle and i know absolutely fucking nothing about mtg it definitely looks like i stole these cards - jillibeeean





	two thousand magic the gathering cards

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jillibeeean](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jillibeeean/gifts).



> I've been laughing about [jill's tweet](https://twitter.com/jillibeeean/status/1016840132345856000) for about 2 hours now. this definitely cheered me up. so here! have some spontaneous klance humor. (unbetaed of course)

Being woken up by a text from Keith is never a bad thing, as far as Lance is concerned. Usually it ends pretty well, if you know what he means. But, see, there's this thing: Keith is weird.

Like really weird.

Like weird enough that Lance is staring at his phone, positive that Hunk slipped more than mint leaves in the brownies he'd baked the night before.

Keith: [im trying to sell like 2000 magic the gathering cards in a bundle and i know absolutely fucking nothing about it and it definitely looks like i stole these cards]

Lance stares at his phone so long that Keith does the unthinkable: he double texts.

Keith: [i promise i didn't]

Lance wipes his eyes and looks over at the clock, and yeah it's way too early-late for this. But it's Keith, and Keith so rarely texts him first that Lance isn't going to ignore him just because it's 4:13 in the morning.

Lance: [why are you trying to sell mtg cards at 4 am?]

He asks, because it's a reasonable question.

Keith: [they're heavy]

Sometimes, Lance wonders why he's dating Keith.

Now is one of those times.

Lance: [they're heavy]

Keith: [thats what i just said]

And Keith, the fucker, has the gall to actually sound irritated with Lance. As if Lance should be able to perfectly follow everything he's saying when it's exactly three hours and thirteen minutes earlier than Lance has to even consider waking up for work.

Lance: [keith it's 4 am]

Times like this, Lance thinks back to when he first met Keith, and how he thought Keith was a cryptid. That theory still holds, especially because Keith seems physically incapable of having normal sleeping patterns like most human beings. Seriously. Lance once had to go over to his house and force him into bed because the guy had been awake for three days. Three. Entire. Days. Lance can't even hit the 24 hour mark before he starts zoning out.

Keith: [i am aware of the time lance]

Yup. Keith's pissed.

Lance: [ok tell you what you let me go back to sleep and I’ll help you figure out the whole card thing after my shift tomorrow]

Keith doesn't answer.

Lance: [keith im going to sleep regardless]

Finally, a text comes back through.

Keith: [I’ll be there at 4 pm].

 

\---

 

True to his word, Keith arrives at the cafe at exactly 4 pm. He's wearing his signature jacket, gloves, and scowl, and despite the fact that he looks like he neither slept nor showered, he's still far too hot for his own good. (Or Lance's blood pressure.)

"Need a drink?" Lance asks as he wipes down the counter. Keith glares at him. He always needs a drink and he always likes it done the same way: black, like his soul. (Pidge's joke.) "Well, I see you're in a cheery mood today," Lance remarks brightly. "Sleep well?"

"I got questioned by the cops."

Lance drops his rag. "You what?"

Keith shrugs, leaning against the counter. "The guy who asked to meet up for the cards turned out to be a cop."

Lance can't do anything but stare, because what the hell else are you supposed to do about that? "Sorry," he says when no more information seems forthcoming. "But you're gonna have to rewind a bit for me here. Why were you questioned by the cops?"

"The cards, Lance."

"Riiiiight... Because magic cards are just _so_ valuable."

"Are you coming with me or not?"

And just for that, Lance fills Keith's to-go cup with decaf.

Drinks in hand, they head out the door. Lance has no idea where they're going – he suspects the police station – so he lets Keith lead. Unfortunately, they end up at the local comic and game shop instead.

Fortunately, Hunk is working the counter.

"Hunk," Lance greets, grin spreading wide across his face. "You will never guess what happened to Keith."

"He got questioned by the cops because he has something like two thousand magic cards he was trying to sell online?" Hunk answers, not missing a beat.

"Dammit. How do you already know that?"

"Uh because they called here first?" Hunk replies as Keith steps forward and sets the heavy box – presumably filled with the aforementioned magic cards – on the counter. "Seriously, though, Keith. Were you trying to get arrested?"

Lance's jaw drops. "Does someone want to let me in on the joke? Because last I checked, you could totally sell those online..."

Keith waves his hand dismissively. "Someone's been stealing magic cards from the shop."

"And you just happened to have two thousand of your own," Lance deadpans. Keith shrugs. "Yeah, that doesn’t seem believable."

"That's what the cops said."

Lance turns to Hunk. "You don't actually think he did it?" he asks.

"Nah," Hunk states, tapping the box with his hand. "I recognized the box when they brought me in. Those are Shiro's cards."

At that, Lance lets out a guffaw. "Shiro's a _nerd_?"

"You play video games with Pidge, I don't think you're allowed to call Shiro a nerd," Hunk points out while Keith just glares at Lance. Seriously. The dude needs sleep if he's not laughing at Lance’s stupid jokes. Lance can usually at least get a smile out of him.

"Shiro left all the cards when he left for the Peace Corps," Keith says. "Said he didn't want them anymore."

"Oh my god," Lance draws his hands over his face. "You're serious. This isn't some elaborate prank." He looks between them, but neither of them are laughing. "You were actually questioned by the cops about theft of some cards."

Keith shrugs. "It's not the first time," he answers taking a sip of his coffee. He scrunches his nose. "Lance is this decaf?"

But Lance is still stuck on what Keith had just said. "What do you mean it's not the first time?"

"Ugh." Keith dumps the coffee in the trashcan and walks out the door. "I need to get real coffee."

"Wait," Lance calls racing after him. "What do you mean it's not the first time?!"

**Author's Note:**

> as always you can find me on [Tumblr](https://rinthegreat.tumblr.com/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/rinthegreat_ao3)


End file.
